The Nest

Tomorrow's the big day. We are FINALLY getting married. Everything's ready. The apartment is just the way I imagined it would be, maybe even better. 

I feel like a bird, who builds its nest in one continent, and then without even blinking an eye, flies away to another, once the time to go has come. As the seasons change, no matter how much they are settled in the nest, they just migrate, for the right conditions and a more convenient life. 

This reminds me of one of my favorite cartoons when I was a toddler. I have a vague recollection about it, and don't really remember the entire plot, but I loved "The Wonderful Adventures of Nils". The protagonist boy named Nils would ride on a flying magical goose and visit all these foreign lands. I have a very sweet memory of it. I wanted to be like Nils I guess. 

One of my favorite pastimes as a child was imagining flying. When I was in pre-school I actually even opened the windows to make the room windy, climbed on the highest couch, aimed for the carpet and flapped my arms, hoping that the winds would make me drift. To my surprise, I fell quite hard. Maybe it was because I watched Peter Pan too many times. Hah.

Last night, Doruk and I looked at our apartment. Finally done ! It was beautiful. Did we put too much effort? It seems way too pretty for a temporary place to live. I thought about it. No, not at all. Traditionally, nests are used as a metaphor for the newly weds' house. But tradition assumes you will stay in one place. What they've forgot about the nest metaphor is that the nest is a temporary dwelling for migratory birds. I'm happy to be one. And I'm more than happy to accept that metaphor, and build my life in a nest. It suits my situation perfectly.

Building sandcastles...

Hi Everyone,

Doruk and I have been pretty busy. We've been seeking furniture for our new flat, getting our home prepared for our new life ! So posting on the blog was completely out of the question, I- personally- was flat out tired. Doruk has been extremely helpful while I worked for this Inter-Asian Conference held in Istanbul last week, and even more helpful and responsible while I was extremely sick this week. But I'm doing much better now. Oh, the Inter-Asian Conference definitely has ignited and increased my longing and urge to move to Taiwan.

Doruk went to the municipal offices to get our electricity, gas and water hooked up. He's been very hard working. I wasn't much of a help, busy working and having to spend time in bed-rest following immediately after I had work off my schedule. I just love it that Doruk is always there for me. He's super precious and dear to me... Once we move to Taiwan, I think I'm going to make up for all the times I was absent and be very proactive in municipal businesses (well, I think that's a given since I'm the one who knows some Chinese !! But anyway). :)

It's exciting to know that next year, around this time (as soon as I finish my thesis that is), we will be doing pretty much the same things, at the other side of the world !

Again, I'm extremely glad that the material things aren't holding us down, or distracting us away from our goal. We have found a great flat with cheap rent, we are furnishing the interior exactly the way we want it, but we know that this is temporary and definitely not permanent. A lot of people don't get it. Why bother? Well, the reason is that Turkey is not a good place to stay in the long run. We will definitely be in our comfort zone in our new apartment, isolated from the traffic, the rudeness, the corruption. But being escapists and living the good life in a bubble (as most yuppies, upper middle class people and elite do) is not the solution. Unfortunately, most people do that in Istanbul, they can shut their eye against what's going on, send their kids to private schools, live in gated communities, spend all their time in shopping malls, away from the chaos and ignore all the terrible things happening in this country, until it touches their lives. I don't judge them, but I wouldn't want that as a life. In any case, even if I wanted to, I doubt I could afford such decadence, even if I had the money.

The good thing is that I was dreading about the idea of another year here in Istanbul,  but now things have changed since our flat is so nice and I will have my beloved boyfriend by my side; it's not going to be that bad to spend time in this city after all. I'm willing to spend the time and effort to have a wonderful time here even though it's for a relatively short time. It feels like I'm building sandcastles; once the tide comes and I'm ready to let go of it, we will rebuild a more permanent dwelling, this time far away from this side of the world. The whole point of building sandcastles is to seek the pleasure within the ephemeral, it's the beauty and fun while creating them that matters the most.  I'm definitely looking forward to it.

Update : New Flat !

We finally found a new flat. It's exactly the way we wanted it to be. Small, efficient, cozy and comfortable. I'm over the moon.

Deciding to move to another country sometimes puts you into a very different mindset. You postpone so many things.

- Oh we'll get nice furniture when I move to Taiwan.

- Nice decorations? That's for when we move !

- A better mattress? Who needs a better mattress when we're only going to stay for a year?

- Oh we can eat out when we move to Taiwan since it's much cheaper there.

- Who needs new clothes ! I can totally go to Taiwan and buy that stuff for so much cheaper !

The list goes on, you get the point.

To some extent it's true. We have to save up and we really don't want to splurge on things we don't need. But I've decided not to guilt myself into every single purchase I make. Especially when it comes to the essentials.

We are going to move, and yes, we need to be careful about our expenses. But what's more important than anything is to enjoy the day, live in the present, and treat ourselves better.

Since our flat is small, we will save up a lot on rent, electricity and heating. We will need much less furniture and appliances, and I'm extremely excited about it. Luckily I took a summer job in my university which had a decent pay, so we're going to buy furniture with the bonus I earned :) It was definitely worth all the effort after all. Our parents are pooling in and helping us out too. They will buy the mattress and appliances for us, which actually costs so much less than an average wedding reception, or the wedding ring itself, or even a wedding gown (none of which we have purchased since we refuse to spend so much money on something which will be useful for only a day).

It's hard to live in such a corrupt, impolite and relatively dangerous place. But I think I need to relax, chill, enjoy the good life. We will be living right at the bay towards the north of the city, away from conflict. I guess although we will be staying here only for another year, we might as well spend some quality time and rethink our priorities. 

In my opinion both Doruk and I did a great job the past two years. We were super careful about our priorities, about our expenses. I'm 100% positive that this is going to continue, but I guess we deserve the life we earned the past two years. I'm ready to welcome my new life, and new apartment, new furniture, new flowerpots and all the objects that surround me even if the duration of them is only a year. I mean, when one thinks rationally, you don't have to live in a shack and stick with half broken appliances for an entire year just because you'll be leaving. I think we worked hard for a good life in Istanbul, and I'm ok with spending money for the year ahead, although it's only for a year. It's a short term investment worth every single penny. I'm so happy. So my mantra is this. ENJOY SPENDING YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY IN A SMART WAY. It's ok, it's ok to buy new stuff, since we deserve to live in decent conditions. Then we're going to reconstruct everything in Taiwan, all over again this time in a more permanent fashion. I'm so happy and excited ! Life's good.

Finding an apartment

We are house-hunting!

But finding a decent place to live in Istanbul can prove to be a challenge.

Most buildings in the city are constructed without permit; haphazardly built blocks are given permits prior to municipal elections to grab votes. Finding a safe place to live is not easy. 

Our way of living add a second challenge to our apartment-hunting: We want to live small. We want to switch our refrigerator for a mini-fridge. We would love to get rid of the dining table for a folding table bolted to the wall. And the thought of kicking out the huge-ass LCD TV... is just priceless.

We would like to minimize, or edit, so to say, our dwelling to take up the least amount of space with minimum clutter. 

But apartments in Turkey are HUGE. We're talking about 120 square-meter homes to accommodate a family of four. 4-bedroom apartments with giant balconies and a second bathroom that nobody uses... that's the Turkish standard. 

Once again we are reminded that this is a country of families, not individuals. 

Patience...

I'm getting pretty excited about everything. I just got an extra job completed last week, I spent this week pretty low-key with much less to do. I should work on my thesis sometime soon, but for the moment, I'm enjoying some off time.

I can't wait for next year ! I really want to start job hunting, start doing the paperwork and all that. Sometimes I feel a bit down, since the country I live in has terrible politicians whose bad decisions impact so many peoples' lives. I'm desperately waiting to go to a better place, my home country where there is less corruption and more human dignity. Taiwan is my home, I've only been there as a tourist since my late teens, but I'm homesick already. I can't wait to go with Doruk and start an adventure over there !

There are many qualified people, some of which are my friends, and it's shocking that here in Turkey they live in such poor conditions and do not get the salaries they deserve, no matter how hard they try. This city is ridiculously expensive due to taxes, so even if you earn lots, you have to be pretty careful when spending. The gas price has rocketed up to 5,14 liras per liter today, and the USD is almost 2 Turkish liras.

Step by step, day by day, I feel I'm approaching to my dream country. I'm feeling happy, and extremely lucky. All I need is some patience. That would be great.

Clearing a hurdle

You don't look so excited...

You must swamped with chores now (add sympathetic frown)

Why aren't you throwing a fancy wedding?

She won't be wearing a wedding dress!? (Gasp!)

You won't be going on a honeymoon?? Are you crazy?

What do you mean you're giving away the TV set once you get married?

WHY AREN'T YOU EXCITED DAMNIT!

The greatest difficulty I faced ever since me and Irene decided to get married has been trying to answer the ridiculous questions thrown at me by narrow-minded people.

For one, I do not believe in making a huge deal out of an bureaucratic procedure. The state wants to keep tabs on who's having sex with who, that's fine by me. But I really think the "ooh"s and "aah"s and the fireworks and the cake and the balloons and six thousand doves released to symbolize our endless love... yeah, I think that's a lot of bullshit.

I want to get married to Irene, I love her, and we would have gotten married eventually. But right now, it's just another hurdle to clear in order to move to Taiwan.

And so far, we're doing great. Wedding date is set, invitations are almost done (hand-made I might add), outfits are already chosen.. and yes.. that's it.

Once we are married, we're going to apply to the Taiwan consulate to start our immigration procedures.. Now, that's something to be excited about.

Consumerism

So, we all do this.

Don't deny it, everyone who has had a facebook page has probably stalked people at least once. I went through the profiles of several old high school mates who are not on my friends list.

I thought about how much people belittled me back then. I happen to be from a very pretentious private french high school in Istanbul, in which most of the students were and still are, filthy rich. It's quite disturbing to see how they define happiness. It's more based on the experiences they purchase, or the clothes they get to wear, the events they get to attend.

It's good that I no longer have them added, because our aspirations are so different. We get to talk with my boyfriend Doruk about this a lot. How different our plans for our future, our desires are different than others. I refuse to fall into the consumerist trap. Happiness is not something to be bought. What people don't see is that it is no commodity.

Istanbul is a heavily consumerist city. Just like many others. And I imagine Taipei is a great shopping haven too. But here's the catch, there are alternatives for people who are not wealthy. There are cheap alternatives, possibilities which are just as fine as the expensive ones.

If you are not upper middle class, or white collar in Istanbul, if you live below that, you're doomed. Everything is disgustingly expensive. That's the problem. Eating out in a restaurant is considered a luxury. Going to dance class, or piano, or yoga if we have to stretch the examples, every kind of extra-curricular activity is directly addressed to the rich. The public pools are far away in the suburbs and the public transport is a mess. You can spend hours in that ridiculousness, being pushed around by the masses, trying to get from point A to B, via C, D and E. I don't even want to mention the lack of libraries.

Yes, I don't desire many materialistic stuff, vacations I can post on facebook in order to boast off. I don't desire to acquire the latest technological asset, but if I do, I make sure I use it as long as possible. Same thing with furniture. I used to get caught up with all these magazines and advertisements, featuring beautiful objects, but yes, they are nice, but I don't necessarily carry the desire to obtain them. As long as I have sturdy, useful and efficient objects, which are aesthetic looking enough, tools and materials to carry on with my life, that's fine.

The worst thing about the society I live in Istanbul is greed. Unbridled greed. Everyone just wants more and more. And "stuff", eating out, hobbies, a car, vacations can sky rocket to insane prices, and people are STILL willing to go for it, spend their hard earned money on ephemeral stuff. Which don't necessarily feed your soul. I try not to judge, but I'm out of this, I won't fall for this. The consumerist trap is a beautifully packaged deceiver. So many unsatisfied people, stuck in this chaotic city in the buyer's trap. Stuck with all their stuff which prevent them from moving from one place to another.

Everything has become an object and a means of boasting. A concert, a nice meal out, a book, a DVD, going to the film festival, going to the museum. The most mundane activities which one could regularly do in a normal city. Istanbul is far from normal.

Anyways I guess I've rambled enough. I will dwell upon this subject again I guess. I just can't wait to leave this city.